And really, just stop saying “should” to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can’t change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn’t productive. Focus on moving forward. How to keep moving forward, even when your brain hates you. (via socialrants)
It turns out procrastination is not typically a function of laziness, apathy or work ethic as it is often regarded to be. It’s a neurotic self-defense behavior that develops to protect a person’s sense of self-worth.
You see, procrastinators tend to be people who have, for whatever reason, developed to perceive an unusually strong association between their performance and their value as a person. This makes failure or criticism disproportionately painful, which leads naturally to hesitancy when it comes to the prospect of doing anything that reflects their ability — which is pretty much everything.
But in real life, you can’t avoid doing things. We have to earn a living, do our taxes, have difficult conversations sometimes. Human life requires confronting uncertainty and risk, so pressure mounts. Procrastination gives a person a temporary hit of relief from this pressure of “having to do” things, which is a self-rewarding behavior. So it continues and becomes the normal way to respond to these pressures.
Particularly prone to serious procrastination problems are children who grew up with unusually high expectations placed on them. Their older siblings may have been high achievers, leaving big shoes to fill, or their parents may have had neurotic and inhuman expectations of their own, or else they exhibited exceptional talents early on, and thereafter “average” performances were met with concern and suspicion from parents and teachers.
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About the late onset in ADHD, thanks everyone for the answers!
It’s very helpful to me to know about your opinions and experiences, knowing that ADHD can be diagnosed late now I can consider more seriously about going to a doctor, I really would like to find a solution to these problems I’m having.
The reasonable thing for me to do as you said would be to talk with my dad or my sister and wait for them to posing about seeing a doctor, but it’s not as simple as that for me really :/ My dad lives very far away, I really don’t feel comfortable talking with him and as I know he always had a big denial about his ADHD and he never wanted to take the medication, or not even that my sister take it; I could talk it with my sister, but her ADHD it’s kinda of tabu in my house also, besides, I talk a lot with her and she knows that I’m not doing well in school and everything, I really don’t know if she would say something if she ever thought about the posibility that I have ADHD, and if she didn’t, I really don’t know how she would react if I tell her. I’m afraid that they take it as a tasteless joke or something, it’s a very delicate theme in my house, and come up with it would cause a lot of quarreling if they don’t take it as a joke; And as you said it could be just a mild depression or something.
The scholar year is already finishing, I think that I’ll wait to see if something changes next year, and if it doesn’t I would propose to my mom the idea. Again, thank you very much to everyone for sharing your experiences and answering my question, as I said they were very helpful and comprehensie of your part :-) I may not do something about it by now, but if nothing changes in the long term, now I know that ADHD could be an option.
homopizza asked: Thank you for your reply. I actually have that issue as well. I can't for the life of me start something up quick. I find other things that distract me and I really lose focus once something trails me off and I have to start that process over again. My mother is actually starting to be concerned about this so she is going to talk to my doctor about it thankfully. I'm glad to finally have at least something that could possibly name these things that happen though. Once again, thank you c:
I’m glad I could help.
Also, I still think it was pretty awesome that other people felt they could answer you question, and sent me stuff too. Makes me feel all warm and tingly to provide a space where people can share that kind of stuff. It’s neat.
homopizza asked: So I've recently been struggling with a bit of concentration issues. It's been like this for as long as I can remember. I'm not self diagnosing by any means. I'm contemplating going to my GP for this but I'm a senior in highschool and I can't do this anymore. Literally any thought of reading is gone. I can't focus on conversations. Everything just distracts me and it's irritating that people think I'm just being lazy. Could you explain to me a bit more about this? What made you realize it?
There were a couple of turning points for me.
I agreed to study with a friend, and when we met up, she sat down and started studying. Immediately. It still can takes me around 10 minutes to actually start. Back then I was lucky to start after 20 minutes. I could not for the life of me understand how she did it. That was when I realized this wasn’t normal, that it shouldn’t be this hard.
The other point was when I couldn’t bother to listen to my friend talk about her life. Even though I had asked her and wanted to know what was up, since we hadn’t seen each other in awhile.
One of the things I struggle with is starting tasks. Difficulty initiating things that you don’t want to do, or sometimes initiating anything at all is a symptom of ADHD. And I have to remind myself of this all the time. One of the tricks I’ve come up with to combat this is to set a timer. Saying I only have to work for 20 minutes, and then I can take a 10 minute break. This helps gets me going, and I can usually study for longer once I’ve started.
I hope that answers part of your question, at least, I seem to have gone off on a slight tangent towards the end.
Another for the late presenting question
I know someone has already addressed this, but I wanted to share as well. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 19, during the summer after my freshmen year in college. Looking back, however, I would say that my symptoms really started to present when I was around 14 or 15, so close to the age you are now. My biggest problem, in terms of not being diagnosed, was that I didn’t want to admit there might be something wrong, or that I was struggling as much as I was. Instead I overcompensated and figured out a lot of tricks to get my schoolwork done. I didn’t do as well as I could have, but my grades were above average so no one was too concerned. It was like I was running a marathon and keeping up with the other runners, except I was going up a steep hill and they were on flat ground. So what does this have to do with your question? Not much, I’ll admit, other than reassurance that you aren’t alone.
But here’s the part where I answer the question. I don’t have any numbers or statistics about how many people present late. But I do know that it happens. I also know that, regardless of the age it starts to present, if you have ADHD, you have always had ADHD. I have always had ADHD. At some point you may realize, like I have, that even when you were a little kid there were signs there. But depending on your environment, or the work you did in elementary/middle school classes, or the types of symptoms you have, it is completely possible that it hasn’t started to become a problem until now. And, as you said, it is possible that what you’re experiencing is normal. But maybe not. And I would strongly urge you to find out for sure. If you have it, I can’t begin to describe how much better your life (especially the next few years) will be, if you know what’s wrong and how to fix it.